The gay man's guide to a vagina.

 

“They’re like a black hole, right?”

If there’s one thing gay men have in common besides their love of penis it’s their irrational fear of vaginas.

I watched a video on YouTube once that gave the perfect description of how I would describe a vagina. Let me paraphrase: take an old woman who has spent the past 80 years of her life smoking and turn her face sideways. Her lips... That’s what a vagina looks like.

Accurate.

I took it upon myself to ask a series of gay men to share one curiosity or thought they have regarding women and/or their reproductive organs and sexual anatomy. Believe it or not, I learned gay men really aren’t all that curious about it. Like I said... Irrational fear. My favorite answer, however: “How do I make it squirt?”

This is my favorite answer by far because it’s one of my major curiosities about females, as well. And, because, well, what gay man REALLY wants to know how to make it squirt? I don’t think straight men even know how to make it squirt (Oh my God why am I sitting at my kitchen table typing about squirting vaginas?). I imagine myself being a straight man in a situation in which this happened to me. It’s one thing to have, ahem, semen, on you, let alone some strange unexplained liquid that spewed out of said black hole on you. Do men really like that? Now I’m starting to get less curious about women and more curious about men. I’d like someone to inform me if this is actually something enjoyed by men. Like... Really? Gross.

Another answer I received was, and I quote, “I wonder what women feel when the D goes inside of them, like what is the difference between what we feel and what they feel?”

I have a question for the gay that gave me this answer: do you even know what it feels like? #goldstargay

That’s one of the great things about being a gay man. I mean, if you’re ‘versatile’ that is: you know what you prefer. How do you know if you’re a woman and you actually  like getting fucked? Maybe you’d rather do the fucking, but how would you ever know? I feel bad for you girls, really. Your options are so limited.

Another hilarious answer: “How is shoving a tampon up your vagina comfortable? Do you get used to it after a while or something?”

I think it’s safe to say that anything regarding a female’s period is a major curiosity I, and most men, gay or straight, have. Like female ejaculation, although it was apparently once described to me in biology class, I’m sure no one actually knows where it comes from or what it is. Although most would claim it’s perfectly normal, what in the name of hell is normal about a bleeding hole in between your legs? I’m still convinced there’s a small man that lives inside of it and pokes holes with a mini sword in there trying to escape because who in their right mind would want to go anywhere near that shit? That’s legible, isn’t it? Makes a lot more sense than your uterus lining shedding or whatever the hell they claim is going on up there.

But on a more serious note: do you actually notice a tampon shoved up there? Like, I don’t walk around with a butt plug shoved up my ass for 3 days straight. Surely it must be weird. Do you get off on it? Aren’t women hornier on their period or something? Or am I making things up now? I’ll tell you what I’m not making up, however: the answer to the last question I got...

“How deep does it go and what does it taste like?”
Well, it’s a black hole so it goes on forever. As for taste... Refer back to that old woman we talked about at the beginning of this post. 

Until next time,

xoxo, Cale
The Sassy Friend.