To Be or Not to Be Pregnant... That is the Question

                Girls. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em.

But sometimes I actually do wonder what it would feel like to be a girl. Aside from the obvious reasons with external and internal reproductive organs, there is one really over-arching thing that I feel like I am missing out on in life, although at the same time I am really happy about it. And that is the act of being a prego lady with a little alien growing inside of you.

                Okay, real talk though, I used to think that being bloated after eating a turkey dinner was what pregnancy felt like. But then I started to talk to more pregnant people and I began to realize it’s like you ate the whole turkey... and it was still alive. Agh. I can’t even imagine what it would feel like to have something moving inside of me, squirming around trying to get comfortable. Not to mention, most of the time that thing is upside down and its feet are kicking at your ribs or something. All of your organs rearrange to accommodate the space for this invader. Like, do these ladies ever fear that their little peanut will fall out while they walk or something? I can’t... I just...

                Another thing I miss out on when it comes to pregnancy is the social acceptance of growing larger at an alarming rate. I mean, obviously it’s a good thing because that means the child is healthy and, for the record, there is nothing wrong with ladies who are large and in charge – but I wish I could feel as comfortable and proud as a pregnant lady does when my belly protrudes the way theirs do. But, I don’t own any pregnancy pants... so maybe I should invest in some? That might make my protruding belly a little more bearable? Instead I succumb to the shitty-ass dad joke: “I don’t have a six pack, I have a keg”. *rolls eyes*

                All in all, I’m very glad that I am male and I don’t have to worry about all that stuff. I mean, having a child... that’s the commitment of a lifetime, and although I know I’ll one day be a dad that is so present in my child’s life that he or she will probably get sick of me, I am glad that I don’t have the responsibility of that very crucial growth in that 9 month period. 

Also, boobs. They're nice.

Regards,

Dillon