Without a doubt, the best part of being friends with the
opposite sex is asking them all those weird questions you’ve always wanted to
know the answer to. But there are some
questions I’ve just never gotten to ask anyone (YET, that is). I wish that the majority of my questions
weren’t about penises, but what can I say?
Without further ado:
1)
Can you
feel it when your voice cracks? We
can all hear it, but can you feel it?
Does a deepening voice come with any physical sensations?
2)
What is
with the public hands in pants thing? I
understand a lot of things about guys, but I do not understand this. I get why you’d need to adjust, I DON’T get
why you’d do it in public. I mean,
sometimes things just can’t wait (I’ll admit to the occasional awkward public adjustment,
for example: pokey underwire, am I right ladies?), but I see this FAR TOO
OFTEN. Please stop putting your hand
down your pants. Please.
3)
What is
happening with your erection when you’re performing oral sex while lying down? In my mind, I’m imagining you lying on your
stomach or a similar position, pleasuring your lady (or gentlemen) friend- but
WHAT IS GOING ON DOWN THERE? I feel like
lying on top of it would be uncomfortable.
Is there some slick tucking maneuver I don’t know about? I actually asked a friend this question once
and he told me that he doesn’t like “splittin’ the kitten” (his words, not mine), and it’s so much of a boner
killer for him, that it’s literally a boner killer and not a problem he’s ever
had to deal with. But this isn’t the
case for all guys (is it?).
4)
Do you
think that I’m into unsolicited dick pics?
Because I’m not. I’m not into
receiving them, and I’m not into you randomly showing me your dick pics in
person either. Again, this is one that
I’ve actually asked someone before and the answer I got was, “Because I’m into
unsolicited tit pics”. Fair enough.
5)
What is
your beard-washing regimen? Do you
wash it like you’d wash your face? Or do
you wash it like you’d wash your hair? A
third method altogether?
6)
Stop wearing
shiny shorts. (Shiny shorts referring to those basketball style shorts that are weirdly shiny.) This one’s not a question. It’s a command. But if I had to phrase it as a question, I’d
ask, “Are you aware that we can all see a perfect outline of your package while
you wear shiny shorts?” And PLEASE don't run in them.
7)
How often
do you consider having a moustache?
I’m pretty sure that if I was a guy, I’d think about it every time I
looked in a mirror. “I bet I’d look
good. Would I look too much like a
pedophile? No, it would look sweet. What if I looked like a 70s porno cop? Nah, I wouldn’t, I’d look fucking
awesome. Yeah. I’m gonna grow one. Oh man, what if it looks terrible while it’s
still growing in? How long will that in-between stage last? I don’t want to find
out, better not try.”
8)
How do
you open jars so easily? Ha, just
kidding. Sort of.
I think that's about all.
Jazmin
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