She likes to fish, he likes to dance.

You know the opening scene of Bridesmaids where Kristen Wiig is getting absolutely railed and it’s super awkward? And then in the morning she wakes up and quickly starts primping herself and making herself look totally fabulous again? That’s me.

Except I’m not usually getting railed.

Chances are likely you’ve never seen me without my hair somewhat presentable and without at least a little bit of powder on my face.

I remember way back in the day when I started getting into cosmetics and hair I felt incredibly uncomfortable about it. If anyone ever confronted me about it I would become instantly awkward and try to deny it with every fragment of my body. I’ve learned with time, however, that I need to accept and love myself for who I am and what I enjoy doing. And if it just so happens that I enjoy making myself a little done up and feel much more confident when I’m primped and pretty than what’s it to you?

I completely understand those who feel against my philosophy on needing to be done up to feel confidant and beautiful. I mean, is it normal by any means for a man to spend 25 minutes every day doing his makeup? Definitely not. However, what is “normal?” Normal, by definition, means “conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.” Nowhere in that definition does it say that there is a true meaning for the word “normal,” but rather that it’s something we conform to, expect and create.

So why is it that we expect certain things from certain people? We are so wrapped up in expectations of other people that we lose sight of what’s really most important, and that’s accepting others based on individuality. I am incredibly grateful that I am not the definition “manly man” that society seems to expect men to be, but on the same token I completely respect those people who are created that way. Do I choose to go against what society has defined as “manly” just to go against the grain? Absolutely not, I do it because it’s who I am and it’s how I was born. It’s part of my genetics and makes up what I am: human. To me, human is as normal as it can get.

If I were to say the word “Autistic” or “Down-Syndrome” to you chances are likely the first word that comes to mind isn’t “normal.” But really, consider the fact that they are just humans with a certain tweak that makes them unique. Is it any less normal than the rest of us? Absolutely not. The only ‘normal’ trait among any of us is that we are human. That’s as basic and as ‘normal’ as it can get.

It’s amazing the amount of stigma within the gay community, as well. I associate as “gay,” yet it seems like everyone I meet or run into online feels this obnoxious need to refer to themselves as “masc.,” “femme,” or another one of these petty adjectives. There’s a lot of talk around the differences between bottoms and tops and a lot of it has to do with masculine and feminine rolls. I don’t think that because someone likes to dress up, get their nails and hair done, etc, automatically means you have to assume that person is a bottom. And just because someone is a bottom doesn’t mean you need to assume the exact same thing. We’re talking about an individual who associates as a gay human doing what they enjoy.

I hate when I log onto Grindr (yeah, yeah, we all do it) and I see someone’s description that says anything along the lines of “masculine, into manly men, don’t want any queens, blah blah.” Instant turn off. Not because I’m turned off my masculinity, but I’m turned off by someone who is so close minded to human differences in this world. Doesn’t everyone deserve a shot once? Why base it off of whether or not I fish or get my nails done?

The gay community is a funny one. For people who fight so hard for freedom and equality it seems that we’re so blind to the problems that already pre-exist within our community; problems that we unfortunately create. I think we need to accept each other and ourselves before we try and force everyone else to accept us, as well.

So maybe you’re a manly man, or maybe you’re more like me. Either way, we’re all human, and that’s what makes us normal. 

Until next time,

xoxo
Cale, The Sassy Friend