A few weeks ago I heard a story on the radio about a lady proposing to her boyfriend. They have been in a serious relationship for several years, and she decided to buy a ring and pop the question. My heart melted at this prospect, until I was rudely interrupted by the other radio hosts who thought this was a horrible idea. Their reasoning was that if the guy hasn't popped the question yet, then he isn't ready to get married and his girlfriend is making a huge mistake.
After taking anti-oppressive classes and learning how to embrace diversity, I was appalled at this logic. Why can't this lady propose to her manfriend? Why is this act only exclusive to men? I concluded with the fact that this lady is the one person on this planet that knows her man the best, and if she feels confident and comfortable with proposing, then so be it!
Some may argue that proposing is a right of passage for men, that they will only get to do it once in their life (hopefully) and it's a moment that they plan and look forward to for a long time. But, what if the lady in this relationship was the one who initiated everything in the relationship in the first place and that was just their couple dynamic?
What the foundation of this story means is that our society is going through some transitions now, and they are for the better. We need to realize that these differences -- whether they are gender, race, religion, class, ability, sexuality, or what have you -- are imperative for the progress of humanity. Contrary to popular belief, each difference does not hinder the world, but in fact these differences offer new perspectives and knowledge that many people may find helpful or useful to make this ever-changing and stressful planet bearable.
Though I don't boast about it on a regular basis, many people who know me personally know that I have pushed the gender boundaries for the majority of my life. I have mostly female friends, I play piano instead of hockey and other sports, I like to worry about what I wear, I like to grow a garden, and I cry when I watch Downton Abbey. But, I like to drink beer, I like to go for adventures in the wilderness, I belch and fart all the time, I can change my engine oil and my car tires, and I love my ladyfriend (who also cries when she watches Downton Abbey).
I'm not trying to throw a pity party, but it wasn't easy growing up in a conservative small-town where the mindset was one and only one: heteronormative. I was often told to "buck up" or "man up" and "why don't you have friends that are boys?" I was frequently called "gay" in a degrading manner, and a lot of boys in my school would flirt with me as a means of torture -- for the record, I was not flattered. In my grade 7 class there was a Teacher's Aid that legitimately thought I was a girl, and even after I told her I wasn't, she insisted that I was. Word of advice, NEVER do that to anyone. This town was so bad that even my sister was getting bullied because of me. But, I am turning those experiences around and using them to better the future generations. As I emerge in the working world as a high school teacher, I will be there with an understanding eye and ear for the kids who are diverse -- which will be all of them -- and I will educate these young people to embrace the differences as they are more important for our world than to suppress them and remain a uniform group of people that shudder at the sight of something different.
And a little piece to leave you with: If you do experience similar things as me, just remember that there is always a silver lining, and that the future gets a lot better. You will find your niche in this world someday and that day will prove that all of the struggles you have faced were worth it.
And to the lady who is proposing to her boyfriend: Do it, and do it proudly. You are setting a wonderful starting point for our society to change in all aspects. And if he gets upset, then you are clearly more progressive than him and maybe need to teach him a lesson or two. But I have faith that he will be just as flattered as if it were the other way around. Those radio hosts need to get with the times.
Until next time,
Dillon
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