We Are All Human

                You know, getting over things isn’t something that I’ve ever been good at. However, as cliché as it may sound, everyone has baggage right? All baggage comes with a consequence, and that consequence is simply how you cope with it. How you choose to slay your dragons is testament of your personality and your strength.

                Generally speaking, everyone goes through a similar process of coping with pain. This can range from physical pain to mental pain. I read a quotation once in a fantastic book written by Patrick Rothfuss called The Name of the Wind. He sums the coping levels up nicely as such:

“Perhaps the greatest faculty our minds possess is the ability to cope with pain. Classic thinking teaches us of the four doors of the mind, which everyone moves through according to their need.

First is the door of sleep. Sleep offers us a retreat from the world and all its pain. Sleep marks passing time, giving us distance from the things that have hurt us. When a person is wounded they will often fall unconscious. Similarly, someone who hears traumatic news will often swoon or faint. This is the mind's way of protecting itself from pain by stepping through the first door.

Second is the door of forgetting. Some wounds are too deep to heal, or too deep to heal quickly. In addition, many memories are simply painful, and there is no healing to be done. The saying 'time heals all wounds' is false. Time heals most wounds. The rest are hidden behind this door.

Third is the door of madness. There are times when the mind is dealt such a blow it hides itself in insanity. While this may not seem beneficial, it is. There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind. 

Last is the door of death. The final resort. Nothing can hurt us after we are dead, or so we have been told.”

It is human nature to attempt to fix ourselves of the struggles we deal with, because, as I mentioned in a previous blog, happiness is an obsession humans are fixated on. I know that I do not want to be identified by the paths I choose that lead me to pain. I would rather be defined by the journey I take to healing, and my will and strength to reaching happiness. Because, as far as I’m concerned, the only door in Rothfuss’ steps of coping that is locked once you step through is the last one. Every other door gives you the opportunity to turn around and face your demons, to walk back through all of the doors and to re-emerge into a better reality.

To delve a little deeper into my own personality, and in an attempt to turn around and face my own demons, I will share with you some of my own. One struggle I’ve had to deal with is the unnecessary embarrassment I experienced at my financial situations all through my life. Though it was not bad at all, it was noticeable to me when everyone at school would have name-brand items (this included foods, clothes, school supplies, etc). I would look down at my stuff and see No-Name this and Great Value that. My method of coping with it was getting a job and spending all of my money on name-brand items. I would buy expensive things just so that I could prove to myself that I was worthy of these items just like everyone else was. In hindsight I am ashamed. There is nothing wrong with saving money by purchasing products that are slightly lesser quality, especially if your life relies on that extra dollar to survive. I learned that lesson the hard way when I got a line of credit for University. I won’t go into detail, but I essentially had all of these great expensive possessions – and no time to appreciate them because I ended up having to work full-time while going to school full-time just to pay my rent. That was definitely a low point in my life and I am pretty sure I hit the door of madness. Alas, I have a great support system and I’m finding my way back out of it gradually. Occasionally the old feelings of not being quite up to par as everyone else come and brush over my heart, but I know that I’m just as good of a person as anyone else is, even if I wear clothes that are from discounted stores.

The reality of the world is that, yes, there is pain and it comes in multiple different forms. But, sometimes we delude reality within our mind and create a pain based off of fallacy. Why would I care so much about having expensive items like everyone else? Was it really, because I felt lesser than others? Or was it because I thought people judged me by the items I possess? The harsher reality is that nobody cared how much my mom paid for the bologna on my sandwich, nor that my shoes weren’t Nikes. All of this was a product of my own delusions and insecurities. And all it would have taken to avoid that was acknowledging and accepting the truth. Do I think people would respect me more if I was broke but had expensive things, or if I would have saved my money for my future? I think the latter.

Alas, everyone has decisions to make in their life, and we don’t always choose the right ones. But, as I said, it’s the paths that we choose to finding happiness that should define who we are. After all, we are all human, and sometimes choices seem right at the time, but when looking back...?

Until next time,

Dillon