mama, I wanna be a star!

Would you rather be rich or famous?

That was always one of my favourite 'Would You Rather' questions as a kid. I remember specifically in my junior youth group one Friday night we played that game and that question came up. I instantly answered that I'd rather be famous, as I always did when I was younger.

When I was young I was an absolute diva. I was constantly performing. Whether it be in voice or dance recitals that I had trained for all year or one of many Spice Girls concerts I performed for my family (often dressed in drag), all eyes had to be on me. I'd sing karaoke in my bedroom claiming I was the best singer in the world destined for fame. I choreographed dances in the basement imagining one day I'd make the stage my absolute bitch. I was certain that if I was going to be famous I'd also be rich. Britney Spears has all the money in the world, right? And I was going to be her (Honestly, I had no desire to be a Backstreet Boy - it was all about those female divas)(Seriously mom and dad, you didn't suspect I was gay when I was like 4 years old in a bikini??).

It was made clear to me that night, however, that you can be famous for things that don't guarantee riches. Do you think Mother Theresa was rolling in the millions? Not likely. The worst part is that who doesn't know the name Ted Bundy? Well, if you're not familiar with the name he's a famous serial killer known for raping and murdering a minimum of 30 women. Still think you'd rather be famous, Cale?

I don't know why it took me so long to realize that fame wasn't necessarily everything, but it was the type of fame that I yearned for. I loved performing, and it wasn't the riches that could potentially come with it, but rather my passion for being in the spotlight. I never once imagined as a child that I could be famous for murdering a million people. How on Earth could those people be famous? Duh, Cale - everyone knows their name!

Unfortunately my dreams of fame have since faded into the shadows. I'd still love to be touring the world in sold out arenas, but I think reality eventually hit. Well, let's be honest, if Pitbull can somehow manage to take over the world I'm sure it wouldn't be that hard for me to do it either, but I have no desire to be Pitbull, whatsoever. I don't even think Pitbull has any desire to be Pitbull...

Instead I've decided to find my fame in many other ways. For instance, most would say I'm fairly famous for consuming mass amounts of alcohol and either passing out in very public places needing to be carried into my bed or making horrible, regretful decisions. I'm sure you could ask most people and they'd probably agree. My parents definitely would. Anytime I tell them I'll be drinking that evening they almost 100% of the time have to make some snide comment like "Okay, well we'll see you at like 11:30 when someone is holding you over their shoulder putting you to bed." Thanks, parents. Glad that's how you see me. And if you've ever celebrated a birthday with me you'll know that it's a personal goal to make it passed midnight. And let's just not even bring up the past couple weekend trips to Edmonton...

I'm probably also famous for being constantly late to everything. You wanna meet at noon? Cool, I'll see you by 12:30 at the earliest. I don't mean to be late, I just get so distracted by everything. What, the internet has pretty much everything, doesn't it? That's a valid excuse. And don't act like you don't know the famous Princess Diaries quote: "A Queen is never late. Everyone else is simply early" (I didn't say I wasn't still a total diva).

Unfortunately, I think I'm also known for my resting bitch face. I swear I'm not always a huge bitch, only like 86% of the time. Okay, I always say I'm a huge bitch but I honestly feel like I'm one of the nicest people on this planet (doesn't everyone?). It's too bad my face doesn't quite reflect it. I think people get the wrong impression of me a lot of the time because of my CBF (chronic bitch face). You just need to understand that there's a fine line between being a total bitch and just being unimpressed with absolutely everything all the time. And just because I look like I am going to cut you doesn't mean I actually am going to cut you. I wouldn't cut anyone... Only myself.

Which leads me to my next claim-to-fame. My darling friend Kimberley would agree with me that I'm famous for cutting myself. She honestly has a heart attack every time I so much as pick up a knife in her presence. I suppose this would best be described as being famous for being a total clutz. I mean, I did trip twice with a 50lb barbell resting on my shoulders in the past 24 hours. I'm prone to disaster. There's a trail of destruction that follows me everywhere and my bedroom wouldn't make you think any differently (I may or may not be writing this on a heaping pile).

In composing this I think I've decided that there's a fine line between being famous and having a claim-to-fame. I think the word "famous" annotates that a really large audience knows your name for a very specific reason. Yes, a lot of people might know me for my CBF, but if I had my own Wikipedia page it probably wouldn't say that. If I had my own Wikipedia page it would hopefully say something about going platinum 2730248 times and selling a million records.

So would you rather be rich or famous? Well, being famous would be fun, but in the meantime just give me all the damn money in the world.

Until next time,

xoxo
Cale, The Sassy Friend.