Grind it out.

12:41 AM.

I'm alone in my bedroom. There's nothing on the television. I've scrolled through Netflix more than one hundred times. I've searched everything I possibly can on YouTube. No new Instagrams are coming in on my feed and tweets are popping up less than I'm popping boners.

My obvious last resort: Grindr*.




Where I'm from, a small city in Saskatchewan, means that Grindr really is pathetic. I mean, I log on and literally look at the exact same guys every night. I log on looking and hoping that perhaps "Shirtless Dave" maybe has a new picture up (with a shirt on this time) or "Horny BTTM" is now looking for a long-term committed relationship. It's kind of pathetic how thrilling those small things can be...

I almost find myself having to give myself verbal reminders as to why I log onto it. The number of people I've actually met off of it I can probably count on one hand. Actually, let me figure this out..

The amount of people I've met from Grindr... 3
The amount of people I've hooked up with from Grindr... 0 

It's a very funny world that we live in these days. We're so busy fighting for equality and acceptance yet we constantly log onto a stupid iPhone app that tells me literally how far away from me you are and exactly what you're looking for. Perfect. So if my calculations are correct I can be at your place in exactly 13 minutes providing there's no traffic which could have us fucking in less than 20.

I constantly try to find a reason as to why I log onto the App in the first place. I will literally start 50,000 conversations (or 50,000 will try to be started with me and I will ignore 49,999 of them) I know are going nowhere because either because 1) I'm not interested in letting you "dominate" me 2) It's 12:41 AM, I'm in bed, and the last thing I feel like doing is meeting your sexual needs or 3) you're creepy. Yet, there's still something so gratifying about someone showing the slightest bit of interest in you.

I wonder if perhaps I log onto Grindr just fishing for that one compliment that can put a smile on my face late at night. Sure it might be followed by a "I wanna fuck your brains out" but there's something so satisfying about someone telling you that you're gorgeous. Unfortunately for you, you have to try a HELLUVA lot harder than just calling me gorgeous. Oh games... So fun.

But why do I need this silly compliment from some shirtless torso on a creepy online 'dating' app? Surely there must be other people out there who use it so needlessly similar to myself. Perhaps it's because we feel we don't love ourselves enough. It's comforting knowing that someone else out there finds us attractive and is willing to send you a text message letting you know it, right? Right? Err...

Of course it is. Who doesn't find it flattering to hear that someone else thinks you're attractive? It's human nature. Where it becomes silliness is that it happens via my iPhone. I know that "Dave - 37km away" would probably NEVER come up to me in real life and tell me he thought I was absolutely stunning even if he was walking behind me for 10 minutes thinking to himself he'd give anything to rail my ass the entire time. Nobody ever said you couldn't just hand someone a compliment. Don't hide behind your cellphone screen to dish it out.

That's the technological world we live in. If it can't be tweeted, instagrammed, facebooked, tumblr'd or shared somehow in the social world it probably won't happen in the real world either. It's kind of sad, isn't it? What happened to meeting people?

In the meantime, I guess I'll just take my online Grindr compliments and hope that I can meet four cool people from it. If not, I'll settle with the 3 I have met because they're cool, genuine people, which gives me hope that although I hide behind a silly screen perhaps these stupid 'dating' apps are actually doing some real good.

*Tinder for the gay man. 

Until next time,

xoxo, Cale
The Sassy Friend.